What a day... Life.. is bring me down.. i feel so like i no longer have the energy to walk this road.. Feels like something is out there to take my life.. No, i can't let it do so.. but, i just feel like taking a break, a break from everything.. and i mean everything.. school, work, her, my family, friends and even, strangers... happiness just won't last long.. Everytime, when i'm alone, all that accompany was tears.. and even now as i write this, tears are flowing... i can't seems to see the road in front of me.. i feel so small.. i feel so empty inside me.. nothing seems right..

she just asked, "do you find anything weird?" i wanted to say yes, but i paused.. i don't want to say anything that spoils us.. i can't tell her i'm crying.. i just said maybe.. up to her to decide yes or no bah.. most probably, she won't see this.. oh well... life...

tears just don't seems to stop.. i can't find anything that can make me happy.. even her, makes me cry.. i miss her.. i simply do.. she's the one that keeps me alive.. all i hear now is this song.. other than it, it's quiet everywhere.. i'm still holding on to the phone.. no one talks.. i don't know what to say... nothing seems to be said.. my mouth seems to be shut.. i feel so weak.. just at this moment, someone who isn't close to me at all came to ask me about my away message.. but sad to say, i didn't say anything.. i don't find a need to tell anyone about anything.. no one seems to understand me.. even those who are close to me.. hy and joanne.. their answers to my question aren't what i wanted to see.. what they say are what i've thought.. but -ssighh-, they don't work.. but thanx anyway..

i've off the song.. she's asking her dad about the 2 weeks trip.. what a joke, tears flows even faster.. what else can i say? go or not go, up to her.. no mattert what, i'll support her.. that is what i'm suppose to do.. right? oh well.. life..

how i wish i can take a break from all these.. how i wish.. oh well, God won't give you anything he thinks that you don't need.. Guess, He thinks that I don't need bah.. oh well.. He will tell me what i need in the end.. i'm learning to accept Him once again.. Hope if nothing comes in between, i'll have faith in Christ again.. hopefully.. -ssighh-

guess too much of nonsense will make this blog boring.. not much people are reading anyway.. oh well.. guess it's time i end here.. i still have many things to do after all.. this song, just reminded me of her playing her piano.. this song.. i just feel so sad.. as if i'm alone in this world.. i'm losing myself.. help.. anyone.. someone.. but in the end, no one.. -ssighh- oh well... life...

Today is just so darn abnormal.. First is work.. Then sleep.. Then now.. memories.. shall talk about it later.. Didn't blog for yesterday.. wasn't online.. or rather, i wasn't online for these 2 days.. was busy with school and life..

Today, work.. it really sucks.. after work we still have to scrub the bloody floor.. David, Dennis and me were playing man.. Scrub the floor and made a mess everywhere.. Oh well.. 3 toots.. wat can we do? met franky for the first time.. he's our new manager.. miki was transferred to Thomson.. Anyway, got to know that ai hui was transferred because of bee yian.. Both of them are like full timers and our store has to cut down on expenses.. So they transferred ai hui there.. Though miki is there, mind you, the 2 big chio bu-s (cedesy and hwee min) are there.. -.-lll Oh well... life..

Anyway, I went to sleep at 1+am, going 2.. fall asleep quite soon till a bastard called.. Darn that bastard.. private number.. Hell it.. anyway, i can't get back to sleep.. So i came online to check things out.. went to read blogs.. came across hers..

A sudden flash back.. memories.. all the good times we spent together.. in groups.. only the 2 of us.. they just seems so wonderful.. as i read her blogs, i don't know if i'm touched or what, tears flow.. i cried.. i have to admit, yes, i miss her.. but so what? i have my new life.. i'm happy with my wife.. with my surroundings.. and maybe, she's happy with hers.. she don't need me.. why do i have to bother? Oh well.. i'm saying this for the sake of saying.. i'm having my usual nonsense again.. want to hear from my heart?

I'm sad.. i miss the times we were together.. talking.. playing.. walking around anywhere.. but times.. like i used to say, things that you miss, they are over.. it marked an end of something.. i still remember how we cried over the phone.. how we laughed.. happiness and sorrows.. once again, this urge of crying, is in me now as i typed this.. she used to be my pillar.. she used to be someone i hold so dear.. someone close to me.. someone who knows me inside out.. yes, i shall repeat this, i miss her... i can't help but think of her..

Again and again, i told myself to forget her.. i failed.. i can't.. memories haunted me... how i wish i can see her again.. how i wish we can share time together again.. how i wish.. Oh well.. life..

Anyway, i'm getting myself into more troubles.. it's time to lean on God.. How i wish I can go back to church.. Get close back to God.. have time with God when i have no one to talk to.. Count on God when i have problems.. Follow God's direction.. How I wish things would have happened so differently... Oh well.. life..

Anyway, messaged "her" on her birthday.. i'm not sure if i'm the first, but i made it a point to do it by 12am.. was surprised that she replied.. didn't expect her to.. after all that happens.. i wanted to say sorry.. for what i've said that day when you accompanied me to see doc.. though i can't remember what i've said, but i'm sure it hurts you alot.. but words can't be taken back.. i have to leave it there then.. hope the distance will heal the pain.. after all, i tried my best to leave your world.. but i still have to say this, I'm sorry.. for all that i've done.. -ssighh-

Oh well, guess too much of nonsense will stop people from reading my blogs.. shall end here.. one more thing, i still bloody hell can't sleep.. don't dare to tell dear.. she'll cut off my head i tell you.. though she can't do anything.. maybe i should adjust my sleeping time.. i seems to sleep in the morning and am so darn awake in the night.. next day? oversleep is all i know.. Oh well.. life...

How happy can a person be? i can't say that I'm the happiest person on earth, but I can be one of them.. Imagine i have a wife who's willing to learn cooking for my sake, get to hear the best voice of my wife early in the morning, have my wife to help me safe my allowance, etc..

Though there are unhappy things in between, our love surpass everything.. having this love is more than enough.. All i need is her and my day will be fine.. Although we can't see each other everyday, but it's enough.. I have time to be with her, have time to miss her... The things we've been through.. everything we share.. all and all... I'm fortunate to have this wife.. someone who really love and cares for me.. -smilez-

Just finished my test.. 73 out of 100... >.< what the.. I was tricked.. it's not open book... -.-lll I didn't really study.. in the end, i only got this.. -ssighh- How i wish i had study... but anyway... wat is over is over... let it be bah...

*hope she had a wonderful birthday yesterday.. all the best to you gal*

ok.. I haven't been seriously blogging till today i would say.. Today is somehow the best day of my life.. At last, she's willing to face nique.. my dream of going out together with nique and me and both our girls are fulfilled.. -smilez- I'm sure it took her alot of courage to face her.. I don't know why, out of a sudden she would call nique and said that she wanna meet her.. I was kind of shocked.. someone she somehow hated for so long...

Anyway before that, i was so angry with her.. The way she treated me seems so different with her that bunch of friends around.. she started pushing me around... (as in physically) and i told her.. and nothing was done.. Then on our way back to Orchard from PS, we saw some of our church mate whom I don't even know who, then she started so say about them and I was saying that i shut up.. she got angry and even shook off my hands.. -.-lll followed her to amazing shop and she tried to get off my sight.. i was very angry and i went out.. got rid of some tears.. and blah blah blah...

After that we met nique and gang at cine.. Lips.. anyway, the gang consist of blue, coven, zoe, nique and her GIRLFRIEND (germaine).. anyway jocie joined us.. i was really happy to see that at least dear bothers to talk.. as in talk to her.. hope the hatred will soon be gone.. this is the first attempt.. if ever we can be like this again...

2more hours to her birthday.. didn't get her anything.. and like what dear says, how on earth am I going to give her the present.. But deep down my heart, the real reason is i don't know what to get for her.. after so long of lost-contact, i already don't know what kind of person she is.. What will she likes.. It would really be hard to get her anything.. Anyway, she might not even want it.. So, yah, guess a sms will hopefully do the job..

Shall go off after so long of talking.. LOLx.. anyway, dear's trying to cook dinner for me.. how fortunate am i... -smilez-